A report from the Secret Working Groups Bio-Molecular Pleasures Research Lab.

Consumadrins are a class of hallucinogenic found primarily in the vicinity of fruit branded hardware devices.

Only recently has major advances in molecular biology revealed some of the secrets of the sites of action of Consumadrin and in particular the Consumadrin known as delta 9-B.E.R.T.

Figure 1: Consumadrin (delta-9 B.E.R.T)
Chemically the Consumadrins are classed as terpenoid (terpene like) these compounds occur as essential oils within many plants and some are involved in vitamin, steroid and pigment formation.The Consumadrins are fundamentally non-polar molecules, with low solubility in water.

How Consumadrins enter the human body is in fact unknown. Research has been done on mechanisms like airosol distribution through air conditioning systems and Consumadrin inks used for printing brochures. There has not been any significant result from these researches. Claims as Consumadrins are produced in the human mind have not been founded by significant research results.

The Effects of the Consumadrins include: relaxation, floating sensation and depersonalisation (leading to out-of-body experiences), percetual changes (visual, auditory and tactile), slowing of time, loss of attention, euphoria and silliness.Apart from the trivial recreational uses/abuses aside, Consumadrin find important medicinal use in the control of menopause symptoms and general depression.

Recently rumours of Consumadrin O.D. related casualties at Apple Stores have been spread.